Partly inspired by some Twitter banter between us and friend of BS @DapperDan, we bring you Misleading Movies. You’ve all been there. We’ve been there many a time. You come out of a film feeling... well, gipped. That’s the only word for it. You were promised one thing, and got something else entirely. On other occasions, it just niggles away at you and then you finally realise that you’ve been had, conned, done over. So, presented below, in no particular order is our current list of films that if we’d bought them like you do say, a vacuum, we’d be returning them for a refund.
The Grey (SPOILERS)
The movie that helped raise this issue, this one is entirely down to the trailer. Watch the trailer, then watch the movie. Conned, right? Yup, you were expecting a movie that at least culminated in Neeson taking on a wolf mano et wolfo. What you got was an actually pretty decently grim tale of survival in one of the harshest environments on earth. Liam does kind of get to punch a wolf but really, it's not what you were sold is it.
You may have read my Scary MoVie non-review and realised that this is a long way from my favourite franchise. Well, I realised when I was writing that particular rant, there is another reason (other than the films being crushingly not funny) for my festering hatred. The tag line for the first film was ‘No Mercy. No Shame. No Sequel’. Pretty obvious the odd one out there. Swines.
The Last Exorcism
There may be a technicality on this one but I’m throwing it in anyway. I suppose strictly speaking you could point out that ‘last’ isn’t the same as ‘final’ but still. You have to wonder about The Last Exorcism Part II. Apart from what I assume will be some paranormal diminishing returns, surely there were two choices for this. EITHER go with The Next Exorcism - which gives a nice weary feel to the title, seemingly setting up as many as you want to pay for OR you have to retrospectively re-title the first film - The Penultimate Exorcism - which at least gives people hope that this sequel is the last.
The Karate Kid (2010)
There are obviously a number of issues with this film, the primary one being the overriding suspicion that its sole purpose is to give a role to Will Smith’s boy (I am not knocking young Jaden for this in any way), a close second being why on earth would you remake this classic 80’s film. BUT why oh why did they remake it and have it primarily feature Kung-Fu? Foolish.
I love the first couple of these. The first one in particular was a superb piece of slight of hand in the slasher genre. We’d had all kinds of mean stalking bad guys over the years, human, robotic, supernatural you name it. Except what in hindsight is the most obvious - Death itself. Not in the form of any grim reaper but just as Fate. The first couple also featured some nice inventively gruesome deaths, albeit somewhat Tom & Jerry in style and some entertainingly knowing humour (John Denver playing in the airport toilet for example). So after Final Destination 3 and the rapid evaporation of ideas, came The Final Destination. An attempt surely to put a lid on the series and sell us the final of the Finals. But no, not only were the makers content to have more than one Final, they then went ahead with Final Destination 5 anyway. Tut and indeed tut.
The Deep Blue Sea
Terence Davies directing an all star cast in a reboot of one of our favourite sharks go mad and chew scientists up films? We thought there was something fishy here (I’m so sorry). Turns out there is not one single shark in this movie, not one. There’s not even any sea. And frankly, there’s far more brown than blue. It’s just some posh people people having affairs. Drat.
The Neverending Story
They only made three of these.